Michele Bachmann
God, she’s stupid! There are breadsticks with a higher IQ than Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R-Minnesota). But, honestly, if you’re into older women, she is very fuckable. Not warm and fuzzy “I love you” fuckable. More like boundgagged- and- hooked-up-to-an- Accu-Jack fuckable. And ya know, Michele probably needs a good fuck because her husband certainly doesn’t look up to the task. We’re not saying Dr. Marcus Bachmann is gay, but he sure comes across as a flaming queen. Poor Michele.
Lack of sex could explain why she is so totally and completely head-banging- against-the-wall crazy. Spend your entire life thinking sex is only for procreation, and we guarantee you’ll hear God talking to you too.
You know about that God thing, right? Bachmann claims that Jehovah told her to run for the U.S. Congress. She also suggested that the swine flu is some kind of Democratic conspiracy, that Obama wants to destroy America and that the people of Minnesota should be “armed and dangerous on the issue of the energy tax.” If you can say things like that, you almost have to be hearing voices in your head.
But let’s step back and consider Michele Bachmann on the merits. Wait! There are no merits! Only a string of ignorant and/or insane positions going all the way back to 1993, when she and other parents established the New Heights Charter School in Stillwater, Minnesota.
Bachmann very well might have been hearing voices back then too. At the publicly funded school she supported the teaching of Creationism (a belief system that disregards scientific facts). Guess Bachmann didn’t think it important to maintain the separation of Church and State.Thankfully, the taxpayers did, and she was pressured to resign from the charter school’s board of directors.
More dustups with reality followed. In 2003, while serving as a state senator, Bachmann proposed a Constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage. (It was defeated then and again when it resurfaced in 2004 and 2005.) Her church, part of the Evangelical Lutheran Synod, apparently believes that the Catholic pope is the antichrist. And Bachmann herself has accused fellow lawmakers of being anti-American.
Here are her exact words: “I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out, are they pro-American or anti-American?”
You understand, of course, that when Bachmann says “anti-American,” she’s referring to people who do not share her rabid, Biblethumping, empty-headed, extreme right-wing point of view. Those people include Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and even President Barack Obama.
Let us point something out to this befuddled religious zealot: Attacking policies of a previous administration–say George W. Bush’s, for example– does not mean you are anti-American. It means you oppose invading a country for no justified reason (Iraq) and trashing our Constitutional safeguards (the USA PATRIOT Act). Actually, if you get right down to it, what could be more anti- American than gutting the Constitution? Meanwhile, Bachmann has declared war on sanity. When she suggested that the citizens of Minnesota should be “armed and dangerous,” she also mentioned: “Thomas Jefferson told us, ‘Having a revolution every now and then is a good thing’ and the people–We the People– are going to have to fight back hard if we’re not going to lose our country.”
Oops! Guess we’ve answered the question about what could be more anti-American than gutting the Constitution: calling for armed revolution against our government! That is exactly what Bachmann is advocating. Here’s what Bachmann’s right wing followers must understand: She may start out with a basic fact, something that is happening and should be of concern. Then, after compressing it down to its most simplistic form, she throws some wacky, double-think spin on it.
Take healthcare reform. Bachmann called the public option “a government takeover of healthcare” that would “squeeze out private insurance.” In reality, only a small percentage of people would be eligible for a public option, and private insurers have nothing to fear. Obama’s reform package is actually a financial bonanza for the healthcare industry.
Bachmann is apparently too stupid or too confused to grasp what’s going on, much less figure out any subtlety. Or the congresswoman is intentionally misleading her constituents. Either way, she needs an intervention. You shouldn’t yell “Fire!” in a crowded theater. And you shouldn’t yell “Revolution!” without just cause. Those who do such things need to be hospitalized, educated or taken off the stage– in Bachmann’s case, by the voters.
As part of Michele’s desperately needed treatment, maybe her husband could step up to the plate. Your wife needs a good pounding, Marcus! Clear out her tubes so she can start to think clearly.We know it’ll take time for Michele to regain her reasoning skills, but with help and compassion she might eventually be able to dress herself and utter a coherent thought. Until then, the people of Minnesota are represented by an Asshole who is spreading her poisonous lies throughout the country.
