Tom Coburn

There she was, sitting at a town hall meeting, sobbing uncontrollably as she recounted to Senator Tom Coburn (R-Oklahoma) how her husband– struggling to recover from a traumatic brain injury and on a feeding tube–was being denied coverage by his health insurer. It was a scene that would have torn at the heart of even the most hardened cynic.

“His health insurance,” Coburn’s constituent explained, “will not cover him to eat and drink” since he left a nursing home. What, she tearfully wanted to know, could the government do for her? Coburn’s answer? Nothing.

Oh, the senator tried to dance around it, saying his staff would look into the matter on an “individual” basis. But, Coburn rushed to add, it would be a mistake to think that government is the answer. Instead, he advised the anguished woman to look to her neighbors for help. Yeah, sure, by going door to door she could get the million dollars required to cover her husband’s medical care. How hard could that be?

Let us explain something to you, Coburn, you disgusting pus ball: This woman’s husband has health insurance. He’s probably been paying premiums for years. But now, when he needs insurance the most, it’s being withheld–on some frivolous technicality no doubt. Protecting its bottom line, his insurance carrier is cheating this woman’s husband out of services owed to him.

Coburn should understand that. Besides being a politician, he’s a doctor, for God’s sake! Who’s in a better position to know how health insurance providers screw their policyholders, especially when overriding the recommendations of a patient’s doctor? Then again, Coburn also knows the health industry has supported him with large cash infusions ($193,166 in the past five years) and is certain to add to that total when he runs for the Senate again in 2010. Is Coburn selling his constituents down the river to protect his own self-interests? A cynic might think so. So might any sane, rational human being.

Of course, Coburn is most probably a lousy doctor. Regarding silicone implants, he’s actually stated that “if you have them, you are healthier than if you don’t.” OMG! Is he for real? The goddamned things were banned in 1992 because they have a tendency to rupture, leaking toxic silicone into the body.

Even worse, Coburn has been accused of performing a sterilization procedure on a then 20 year old woman without her okay. “I know he’s stating that he got oral consent,” Angela Plummer declared at a news conference. “That is not true. I’m not up here to smear him. I’m up here because I wanted to have more children, and he took that away from me.”

Ye gads! Even assuming Coburn is telling the truth about obtaining oral permission, what kind of doctor would perform such a controversial procedure on a young woman without first getting it in writing? Not a very good one, as far as we’re concerned. Actually, a piss-poor one.

But we have even more evidence regarding Coburn’s medical “competence.” When he first arrived on Capitol Hill in 1995, as part of Speaker Newt Gingrich’s freshman class of congressmen, Coburn quickly established his conservative credentials. The anti-abortion advocate tried to amend legislation requiring condom labels to indicate that condoms don’t offer protection from most sexually transmitted infections, including those that cause cervical cancer. Really? And Coburn’s a doctor?!

But he isn’t just shaky in the field of medicine. Recently, on Meet the Press, when moderator David Gregory asked for his thoughts on gun-wielding protesters at town hall meetings, Coburn replied: “I’m troubled any time when we, we stop having confidence in, in our government. But we’ve earned it.”

WTF?! It doesn’t take a genius to see Coburn is not only supporting the gun- toting maniacs, but also fanning the flames of armed insurrection. Then again, Coburn has always been something of a gun nut. Thanks to him, it is now legal for people to carry firearms in national parks.

Not surprisingly, Coburn denies the existence of global warming, calling it “just a lot of crap,” despite a ton of scientific evidence to the contrary. He also worries about a homosexual takeover of our country, claiming that lesbianism is “rampant in some schools” and that the “[gay] agenda is the greatest threat to our freedom.”

So what can we deduce from this? You can be one dumb motherfucker and still be a doctor. Oh, yeah, you can also be one dumb motherfucker and still be a U.S. senator.

Back to healthcare. It goes without saying that Coburn opposes reform. But the lawmaker did say he and his staff would be glad to help the aforementioned woman at the town hall meeting– as an “individual.” So he’d probably be fine with helping anyone else who has a medical problem. That’s why we’re sure he won’t mind our giving out his phone numbers (Washington: 202-224-5754; Tulsa: 918-581-7651; Oklahoma City: 405-231-4941). Just ask for Dr. Coburn.

One last thing: Dipshit Coburn is a member of The Family, an ultrafanatical religious group that–honest to God–believes the Almighty has given its members the power to justify anything– including, hypothetically, the rape of children. (See Jeff Sharlet’s book, The Family.) If you think that doesn’t make Tom Coburn an Asshole, you’d have to be an asshole too.